Hollywood China

Tuesday, 20 September 2005

Yesterday Once More Continues Death Grip on

China's Top 20 Charts--1,664 Weeks and Counting

Little did Richard Carpenter know when he wrote a song for his sister, Karen Carpenter, thirty-two years ago, it would still be at the top of the Charts in China . Coming up this week, Yesterday Once More will have been at the top of China’s Top Twenty Charts for a mind boggling 1,664 weeks.

“It’s an honor,” says Richard Carpenter. “I mean China has a lot of people, and a good portion of them seem to really love our music. I don’t know if that means that we had good taste then, or China continues to have good taste now? I’m happy, although I can’t say we’ve ever received a penny in royalties from that part of the world—a penny or whatever kinda crazy ying yangs and yick yaks they pay with over there. Anyway, it does feel good to be appreciated. Do they know I released a solo album back in 1987? It should be a hot new album there by now.”

Andy Lau’s song All About Love recently made it into the top ten, but he sees Yesterday Once More’s dominance as a sickness more than anything. “It’s a new century in China. I personally think it’s time to move on. It’s time to give other music a chance-music like-say-for-instance, my music. I hate that song. I never want to hear those words again.”

Unfortunately for Andy, he will hear those words a lot in the future for even he's tried to tap into the popularity of Yesterday Once More by starring in a movie with Sammy Cheng entitled ,what else but, Yesterday Once More.

Despite repeated attempts, long angry voice mails, and an altercation with her personal assistant, Karen Carpenter could not be reached for a comment.

posted by: reporter at 20:25 | link | comments (2) |

Thursday, 08 September 2005

Chinese Bootleggers to Hollywood:
"Make a Movie Worth Pirating"

    Update 9-19-2005: Apparently another major newservice agrees with the Chinese Bootleggers
    After receiving a good deal of heat from America and the Chinese Government for lifting American movies and selling them as cheap DVDs in China, the Chinese pirating industry is speaking out.

    "Oh sure, we're the bad guys. But remember, we aren't the ones who put Paris Hilton in House of Wax," says Tang Zhi Mao, one of the top DVD pirates in all of China. "I knew that Hollywood was upset about us copying their movies and selling them to ESL teachers for less than a dollar, but could they stoop so low as to produce movies that even we feel embarrassed about reproducing?"

Paris Hilton:
Putting Bootleggers Out of Work,
One Movie at a Time

Wang Bin Nai, the man responsible for dubbing the credits to Ski School at the end of every movie bought in China, agrees. "The Cave, Deuce Bigalow European Gigolo, Must Love Dogs, Red Eye and Dukes of Hazzard? Do you really expect us to pirate this crap? What kind of summer lineup is that? USA Up All Night? This is affecting us directly, and when nobody is willing to pay .63 cents for your movie, it's a very bad movie."

Tang also has some advice that he thinks will help the movie industry out. "Write an original script with original characters. Seriously. I could go to America, buy some comic books, tape somebody reading them, and probably have the next five movies coming out of Hollywood. Please, no more comic books; no more old television shows made into a movie; and no more movie re-makes. It's one thing to insult the intelligence of the American public, Hollywood has been doing that for years(look how much money Titanic made), but now you're insulting our intelligence. We aren't amused."

posted by: reporter at 16:38 | link | comments (7) |

Tuesday, 06 September 2005

After Democratic "Super Voice Girls"
Experiment , Chinese Officals Put
Taiwan's Fate to National Text Message Vote

=TBA

Taking a cue from the financial and public relations success of "Super Girls", the standing committee has decided to leave the fate of Taiwan up to the people.
"We wanted to send a message to the rest of the world that we are progressive, and what says progressive like the fate of an entire island being decided by how accurately people can manipulate their thumbs?," said a Chinese offical who wished to remain anonymous.
"Plus," he went on, "this could be a real money-maker for us. I have heard that Taiwan plans to pay people here on the mainland to text a vote in their favor. It doesn't matter to us; we get a percentage of each text. We expect to make a few million US dollars out of the text messaging alone. Then you have a sudden surge of Taiwanese investment into our work force. It's just smart business. All I can say is, I hope they are paying some people with some fast thumbs and good reception, because the clock is ticking."
Another official, also wishing to remain anonymous, says he thinks Chinese will enjoy the entertainment value of voting on Taiwan.
"I'm pretty sure if we are tabulating text votes about whether to nuke Taiwan, we will have a pretty good ratings share--specially in Taiwan. I predict it will be much higher than "Super Voice Girls."
"I could see China reach a point where pretty much all major decisions are left in the hands of its people and their phones," says Smythe Willard, a Professor of Asian Studies at Harvard. "And I wouldn't be surprised if they used the Olympics to press that kind of thinking on the rest of the world. Suddenly, a gymnast's score wouldn't be decided by a crooked judge from France. It would be decided by a bunch of drunk guys with Nokias in a bar in Chengdu. In my opinion, that is progress."

posted by: reporter at 19:21 | link | comments |

Monday, 05 September 2005

Hong Kong Man Leaves Marshmallow Kisses Lyrics
as A Suicide Note

Hong Kong. Monday, the lyrics from The Marshmallow Kisses' song "Everyone Else is Ahead, Far Ahead" was found near a dead, Hong Kong, marathon runner who had apparently ended his own life. A Marshmallow Kisses CD, I Wonder Why My Favorite Boy Leaves Me an EP was also found in the CD player, and authorities speculate he was listening to the CD minutes before slitting his own wrists with broken shards of a Marshmallow Kisses CD case. Peter and Edine, the duo who make up Marshmallow Kisses, deny their music had anything to do with the tragedy. But closer inspection makes us here at Hollywood China wonder.
"With our music we love to share with you nostalgic yet refreshing and warm feelings," the Hong Kong duo's website eerily snarls on the main page. And that's not all.
Lyrics from their new EP, I Wonder Why My Favorite Boy Leaves Me an EP, are rift with dark pessimism and nilism. Here is a brief sample from the song "The Best Days We Used to Have": "Still remember the summertime we share/Craziness is our delight/Giggles and Chuckles/ Burst Like Dreamy Bubbles." Sadly, we are only left to speculate who Giggles and Chuckles are, and why Peter and Edine want them to burst.

Suddenly, The Marshmallow Kisses are a hot commodity in Heavy Metal circles and have been invited to headline next years Ozz Fest, the first Chinese band to do so.

"I am not very familiar with Peter or Edine, but I like the energy surrounding them," said Rob Zombie.

Parents groups and several running clubs have been seen picketing their sunny Hong Kong residence

In a predictable move, Velvet Revolver has already asked to cover the suicide song, "Everyone Else is Ahead, Far Ahead."

We leave you with those haunting, obviously drug induced lyrics that were a runner's last words to the world:

"We skate like heroes but I hit the wall

I watch you standing up waving while I fall

Just give me your hand to get me thru the day

Show me your sympathy and I think I'll then be ok

Just give me your hand to get me thru the day

Maybe I'll still be fine if you don't

Cos I'm trying hard to take it all by myself

You light up your cheeks while my face is pale

A piece of cake yeah piece of cake but I failed."

posted by: reporter at 22:01 | link | comments (1) |

Thursday, 01 September 2005

Zhang Zi Yi: I Did Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon for a Hug

BEIJING: In an recent interview with Xinhuanet, a popular multilingual news website in China, actress, Zhang Zi Yi, revealed her fee for the international block buster Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. Here is an excerpt from the article (ed. note this article is written in Broken English):

"In the big hit "House of Flying Daggers", Zhang left audiences with a deep impression with her dances. In order to achieve the best performance, Zhang practiced for two months carrying sand bags weighing 30 kilograms on her legs. Ang Lee, director of the Oscar-winning film "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon", has said that Zhang Ziyi is the most enterprising girl among the actresses he has cooperated with, and she would bear any hardship.

"I was only 20 years old when I performed in 'Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon', and it was the hardest film for me. For six months, I worked so hard in the desert for only one goal, the recognition of director Ang Lee," Zhang said.

"All the pains under the burning sun were nothing to me. I onlywished someday after work, Lee would come and give me a hug and say 'well done', because I had seen he had done so to another actress," Zhang said. Lee didn't do that during the six months. But stubborn Zhang just wanted to wait until that day.

"I could feel the toughness in my character, and I exerted the utmost strength to let Lee not be disappointed in me," Zhang said. At the ceremony of the completion of the film, Zhang sat next to Lee, and she would never forget that day.

Lee said "Ziyi, you worked very hard. You are excellent. I'm very satisfied with you." And then he gave her a hug. Zhang cried for a long time over his shoulder. "Everybody thinks I got quick success. I hope you understand me that success is really not that easy," Zhang said"

Hollywood China has looked into what her costars in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon received from Ang Lee to be in the movie. Here is a quick run down:

Veteran Actor, Chow Yun-Fat, negotiated for and received from Ang Lee a firm shoulder clasp and the vague suggestion that they "get something to eat sometime."

Co-star Chang Chen paid Ang Lee an undisclosed amount to appear in Crouching Tiger. When filming was over, Ang Lee acknowledged that Chang Chen was indeed a visible, breathing person.

Michelle Yeoh, received an autograph picture of Ang Lee and saw her fee double as she accidentally shared a bottle of water with him.

Yuen Wo Ping, martial arts choreographer, reportedly received fifty million Hong Kong dollars for Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. He and Ang Lee are friends to this day.

posted by: reporter at 20:23 | link | comments (2) |

F4 News and Update

F4

The F4 key has some very useful functionality. You can press F4 to open the Address bar when working in Internet Explorer. This will allow you to type the address of a Web page for quick access. You can also press the Alt key and the F4 key at the same time to close the open Window that you are currently working on.

Thanks to the AARP website for this important F4 news.

posted by: reporter at 18:37 | link | comments |

Dukes of Hazzard to be Remade into a Chinese Television Series

Somewhere in Anhui With the recent success of the Dukes of Hazzard The Movie in the U.S., Chinese television producers are planning a new series based on the popular American television show. Filming has already began in the countryside of Anhui, and the first pilot is set to air in the spring of 2006.

"Recently we have had a lot more access to pirated copies of entire seasons of the Dukes of Hazzard, and that is quite a gem," says CCTV-2 programming director, Quan Bing. "So I thought to myself. We can do this. I think Chinese television viewers will love their yehaw attitude and total disregard for traffic laws."

Early buzz about the show makes it sound promising. "We wanted to take make it the Dukes of Hazzard but with Chinese characteristics. So several things will be different, but more accessible for the average Chinese," says Quan.

Here are a few of the changes:

Instead of the General Lee, a hot-rod Dodge Charger with a rebel flag, the Chinese series will have the General Tso (original planners of the series considered the General Chang Kai-Chek but decided this name was too controversial), a muscled-out Chery QQ with a Chinese flag on top.

This General Doesn't Play Dixie

Instead of Bo and Luke, they are now Bo and Liu. To reflect the lack of women in the countryside, there will be no female cousin. Instead, the recent winner of the Super Girl competiton, Zhao Jingyi, will play the part as cousin to Bo and Liu.

Non Female Version of Daisy

Laoban Zhu, not Boss Hog, will be the villian in the Chinese take on Dukes of Hazzard. He will be fat. He will wear all white. And he will be a big advocate of supply side economics. Each show he will lose face to the Cousins and their Uncle Jessie (name is still the same in the Chinese Version) as they drive fast, run baijui, and save the farm/collective farm from everybody's favorite capitalist roader.

Laoban Zhu and Cletus

"They will make their way the only way they know how--like two modern day Lei Fengs," said Quan.

posted by: reporter at 03:11 | link | comments (2) |

Popular Chinese Commercial Actor Walks Off Set

Qhingdao: Popular Tsingdao television actor, Xiou Li, walked off the set on Monday after being directed to pour Tsingtao Beer on his mouth and chest.

"I've been doing this for a while now. I just don't understand why they never let me drink the beer. That is natural. I am perfectly capable of getting it in my mouth. Why don't they let me try? Do you know how bad I smell and how sticky I get after filming one commercial. It's ridiculous," said Li.

No word yet if Tsingtao has found a replacement.

"I don't see what the big deal is. Polls show that dumping beer on your head definitely makes people want to buy it more," said a Tsingtao Beer spokesperson.

Reportedly tastes better in your mouth

posted by: reporter at 03:02 | link | comments |

B-List Actors Take Work From ESL Teachers

Ghuanzhou: In a surprising trend occuring with "greater frenquency" within the last year sources close to Hollywood China tell us that B-List Actors have been taking acting work in China tradionally reserved for large, untalented ESL teachers.

"Just this passed week, I received two calls from agents trying to place their clients in any of my mini-series" one Chinese casting director told Hollywood China. "Brendan Fraser got on the phone and practically begged me. I met him briefly when he was in Asia filming the The Quiet American. He seemed nice then, but this guy did Monkey Bone as recently as 2001. Chinese television and cinema are trying to move forward. Brenden Fraser will not improve how we are perceived in most parts of the world. How do I say this politely? Fat girls living in Ohio is not our target demographic, no matter how much he needs the work."

The worst hit by this growing trend are ESL teachers who have traditional been given these roles. Rodney Sherber, a long time ESL teacher in the Ghuangzhou area is not happy about having his "drinking money" taken away. "So anyway. I heard through the grapevine that they needed some taller, funnier foreign guys to be in this commercial for Chinese Shampoo. I go over to the supermarket where they are filming the commercial, and Bob Saget is there cracking jokes. He can't even speak Chinese. I'll tell you what, he wouldn't be funny in Chinese either. I was looking to make a couple thousand yuan, so I could buy some decent beer for a change, but Bob Saget swoops in at the last moment and takes the commercial for less money. I tried to be nice and explain my situation to Mr. Saget. I even complimented him on his portrayal of a cocaine addict in Half-Baked, but he told me he needed to stay busy. 'People can't be thinking I fell of the face of the earth, can they,' he told me." After being forced to stay sober for an entire week, Rodney Sherber went back to Montgomery, Alabama where he works at a WalMart.

"Most of the b-list actors take the work because they think nobody will notice how awful they are in a foreign language. But really it's worse. Without the language...all you have is actions." said one producer who films in Hong Kong and Shenzhen.

Kirsty Ally had this to say. "Oh China, that sounds delicious."

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