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Name: Re Porter
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Part China (the left half)
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Chinese Government Accused of Plagiarizing Wording
in New Anti-Piracy Legislation
Beijing. The Swiss Government has accused China of blatantly stealing and plagiarizing several sensitive Swiss government documents, including Switzerland's official recipe for Swiss Miss Hot Chocolate and their Anti-Piracy/Intellectual Property Law.
"We are happy that China is taking steps to hault the proliferation of illegal DVD's and computer software, but we regret they chose to copy the wording of our law, word for word," said Peter Mueller, a Swiss government spokesperson. "This really makes us wonder if Chinese lawmakers are really serious about cracking down on piracy."
"Ooh, Switzerland. We're really scared," said Chinese Government spokesperson Zhang Pimin right before getting high fives from several junior staffers.
Chairman Takeshi Kaga Angers Iron Chef Chinese by Visiting Shrine to Sushi
Special Ingredient is...Raving Lunacy
Tokyo. Iron Chef Chinese Chen Kenichi recently threatened to quit the popular Japanese television show,
Iron Chef, after the flamboyant host of the show, Takeshi Kaga visited a shrine to raw fish in Tokyo. Iron Chef Chinese Chen is the only original Iron Chef from the television show, and has built up a popular fan base by cooking tradional Chinese Szechwan fair, toned down a bit for the sensitve Japanese palate.
"Yes, I know I live in Japan, but I'm tired of that weirdo rubbing Japan in my face. I'm Chinese, and I have my own following now. I know I could start an even better cooking show in China--one that didn't have that Japanese Liberace nancing about either. I think him honoring sushi, which is the most disgusting food there is, may be the last straw. He has become more and more ecentric ever since the show began. Now he just gets on my nerves. I want to say to him, for the last time, no you can't smell my socks, and no I don't think
Hello Kitty is sexy. I mean I have to put up with that kind of Japanese weirdness every single day. We get it, you like to eat raw peppers. Wow, Chairman Kaga, your are so dangerous and cutting edge. Sheesh. I'm out of here."
Chairman Takeshi Kaga could not be reached for a comment. His assistant said he was in his castle "killing germs with a spoon."
Hollywood to Make Movie about Yao Ming's Life--Starring Yao Ming
Shanghai: Yao Ming beat out several talented actors recently to play the part of himself in an upcoming movie about his metoric rise from world's tallest Shanghai Shark to world's tallest Apple spokesperson. Several popular Chinese actors tried out for the role, but in the end, Yao Ming was the only one who was actually seven foot, six inches tall.
"You can't teach height," casting directory Wu Ming Ming, said proudly to everyone who would listen. "I heard Bill Walton say that once, and I am probably one of the few people that still listens to anything he says."
Edison Chen was disappointed he didn't get the part. "Sure he's tall, but I'm an actor. I can act 7'6", but I wonder if he can. I am 7'6" inside. My heart is that big. I hate people who are good at something else, like basketball, then assume they can just go out and act. I don't understand where they get that idea, but I'm here to say they are wrong."
No word yet whether the Chinese government will remain consistent and take half of Yao's pay check for the movie as well.
"It's too bad; I could have been a better Yao Ming."
"Edison Chen? I can sing, dance and act better than him. Plus he's short."
